Hi. My name is Illy, and I'm a MACoholic.

It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive, If you don't have it your on the other side. I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie). (K's Choice, “I'm Not an Addict”)

Stage 1: Awareness and Early Acknowledgment; Complete. But, then, it has been for a long time; and this is as far in the recovery process as I've gotten. Well, I guess I've kind of made it to Stage 2: Consideration and Incubation. But since the only considering I do is what colors I'm going to get next, I don't think pretending to be at stage 2 counts. This particular bender began with over 33 colors. This narrowed down to colors I really really wanted. At which point I realized that I may have a legitimate problem—but not really, since I don't even do it all the time. And, at least it's socially acceptable by not being drugs or alcohol. Right?

As with many addicts, I can pinpoint where the problem began. With a little bit of fuzziness surrounding the exact details. It was about 12 years ago; and it began with equal parts love for the makeup and love of looking at Burke--the ridiculously attractive makeup artist who worked there. Alas, (as is so often the case) he was gay. Of course that didn't stop us from looking; or joking that someone (particularly Spring, since she was the hottest) should try to persuade him to join our team, much like Elaine tried to do (in episode 102 of Seinfeld). We never did, though (try, that is) and, even after he relocated to the east coast, we continued our regular trips to the MAC makeup counter for our fix.

Since then, the need for a fix has only gotten worse. My ability to resist the urges has gotten better, however. As of now, I only have:

2 lipsticks
2 lipliners
3 fluidlines
2 eyeliners
1 brow liner
1 brow gel
1 liquid foundation
1 loose powder
1 compact powder
2 paints (a remarkable feat)
1 matte face finish
1 fast response eye cream
1 mineralize skin finish
1 cream color base
2 full sized lipglass tubes (and an unknown number of sample sizes)
75 eyeshadows (4 of which are duplicates, so it really should only be 71. Also, 28 are anniversary palette colors, so they shouldn't count for full credit. And a number of the items were gifts)
97 Total

When divided over the span of my addiction, this comes out at just over 8 items per year. That's not even one per month which is really, really stellar as far as addictions go, I think. I'm going to give myself a gold star for that.

Oh. Right. I have to include the items that started this whole introspective endeavor. So, I had the 33 eyeshadows I really really wanted in my shopping cart, for a total of $490. Not. Affordable. (One day I hope it will be, but it is most definitely not at this point.) However, I definitely did deserve a kind of splurge to reward myself for working so hard through the second session of boot camp (and I still hadn't gotten anything for myself for completing the first session). I took a deep breath, and asked myself: “What can I not live without?” The end result was 18 colors. Still too many for my poor bank account.

Time to call a sponsor.

Me: Mique. You have to save me: I cannot narrow it down any further.
Mique: Huh?
Me: I'm at MAC online (they have free shipping). I had 33 items in my cart, and I narrowed it down to 18, but I can go no further.
Mique: Well, you should probably get rid of colors that are similar to what you already have.
Me: (whining) I already did.
Mique: What about colors in your cart that are similar to eachother?
Me: There aren't any. (Not quite a lie. But almost)
Mique: Hmmmm. Well, when I went to MAC last, I ended up taing back 3 colors that I loved, but didn't go with much that I already had. So, maybe you should do the same?
Me: (amplified whining) That's how I went about choosing what to put in the cart in the first place! It's all stuff to go with what I already have and need complements for.
Mique: Ok. Let me get online, and we'll go through your shopping card. Tell me what you have, and what your limit is and I'll help you narrow it down.

Half an (excruciating) hour later, I had (with much reluctance) removed 6 whole eyeshadows from my cart. And I called it good. (Oh, I also got 2 eyeliners. Don't judge me! I lost my black one!)

All that said, I suppose I have to include those 12 items to my list; making my grand total 109 MAC products that I own (not including brushes. Dammit!) Still, that's only one more item per year, average. Which is nothing.

So, now, as I impatiently await my new colors (while simultaneously mourning the 21 lost to necessity) I contemplate how people with real addictions can survive at all. Perhaps I really have made it to Step 2.