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Monday, October 18

Coley

and isn't it ironic sometimes? the things we take for granted are what we wanted before we knew why (Face to Face, "Can't Change the World")


Today the oil spill I've been swimming in for months was slightly contained.  All thanks to the little black haired girl I broke up with close to a decade ago.  In spite of being terrified of seeing her again, for years, I've wanted it more than anything.  I've missed her desperately, especially for the last couple of years. In spite of everything (time, distance, how it ended) she's been the most important person in my life.  Today, I finally understood why: I can breathe around Nicole.  None of the myriad masks I feel like I have to wear, or filters I have to apply in every other interaction of my life apply when I'm around her.  There is not a single other human alive that I feel that kind of freedom around.  If there are soul mates, she is mine. 

I was sooooo nervous about seeing her. Driving to Starbucks, I felt like I was going to a first date with a guy I'd crushed on for ages. I was ill with nerves wondering if I'd recognize her, how I'd approach her, what I'd say, and if "we" could live up to my memory of how we were, or if it would just be an awkward, epic disappointment that would taint how I saw our history together.  And then, as I was parking, I saw a girl walking. I didn't have my contacts in, so I couldn't see any details--but the way she walked I knew it was Coley. Somehow, we parked within three cars of each other, and arrived at almost the exact same time.  Initially, I thought I'd let her walk through the doors before I got out of the car, but once I realized how retarded I was being, I decided to try to catch up to her, and walk to Starbucks with her.  But she turned around and started walking toward me, before she even saw me.  "Coley?"  "Brookey! I need to go back to my car to get my hoodie.  I don't want to get r.t. and have everyone see. Is that ok?"  And that's it.  It was as easy and normal as it was when we saw each other every day of our lives.  Only, I knew nothing about her life. And she has new (and great) boobs. But  three hours sitting in purple chairs drinking coffee made me feel like we were just best friends hanging out again like we always used to.  It was amazing.  I really hope it means we'll be good friends again; because, this time, I won't make the mistake of taking her for granted.

Tuesday, August 17

The Feet and The Fury

And I'm watching all the laughing pass me by. If I could just turn the clock back.  All this time's left me feeling jaded. I nearly lost my mind let me stay here one more moment buried. (Avail, "August")

I had to run today. I despise running. Which is why I suck at training. Which is why I'll fail my half marathon.  I knew all of this when I signed up, which is why I question my sanity.

Still, today I had to run. And, as I was in exceptionally bad head space, I was (almost) looking forward to get outside to pound some of the "grrrr" out of me. Mentally I knew I was totally fucked, so I spent a few hours after work listening to music and making an epic playlist that would help get me through my run (I was intending to run 7 miles).  I whittled down my "amped" music to 141 songs, or 7.4 hours of music (which I expect is only slightly longer than the amount of time it'll take me to run my half marathon next week, so it should work out perfectly). I dubbed my playlist The Feet and The Fury.

I donned my trusty Vibrams all the running gear that I've slowly compiled over the summer in a (futile) effort to up my interest in running:




Isis Henna Sports Bra
Norrøna Bitihorn Technical Shirt
Stoic Merino Boy Boxer and
CamelBak Stamina II Performance Bottle







 I was feeling pretty good, all things considered; until suddenly one mile in. ONE. My calves started cramping. What the hell?! I figured I just needed to stretch, since I hadn't taken the time to warm up properly, so I stopped and stretched them.  But no dice; they were just as bad post stretch.  So I told them to fuck themselves and kept running.  They returned the sentiment, and turned to rocks within a few hundred yards of my first stretch.  I should have listened to them, but didn't.  Halfway through my intended run, I realized I was going to be Custer in this battle with my calves, and I'd better get to the white flag (the Camry) before it was too late.

I am so bitter: only 3+ miles out of the 7 I was planning on doing (and could have done, if it wasn't for my stupid calves).  No reason at all.  No difference in my routine, or my pace.  Just the simple fact that running hates me, as much as I hate it, and it goes out of its way to kick my ass (or my calves) inexplicably every single time I do it.  I think I'll stick to cycling.

Sunday, August 15

"I think I'm getting the Black Lung, Pop"

To breathe near Paul was an act of strength, and an act of technique....When you would breathe in near him your body would quit. Your lungs would rebel. Your olfactory senses would go into shutdown.  You'd inhale, you'd get half a breath in, and your whole body would go "No." It was like trying to inhale a Buick. (Henry Rollins, "Donate Your Bodies to Science You Fools")

As anyone who lives in Utah knows, during the summer the air seems harmless enough--but it goes caustic quickly once winter and the associated inversions arrive.  Suddenly you can see the "air" (but no longer the mountains) and, on many days, can almost chew it, or at the very least feel like a pack-a-day smoker within minutes of going outside.

Thankfully, people are now consciously making a concerted effort to improve the air quality in Utah, which has three of the top 25 worst cities for short-term particle pollution according to the State of the Lung Report released by the American Lung Associationin 2010 (SLC-Ogden-Clearfield came in at #7, Provo-Orem at #13, and Logan at #18).   

As someone who likes to exercise outdoors, I'd like to not have my activities end up as the equivalent to the time I spent sitting in bars before they banned smoking.  This year, since I was no longer living in the city, and so had lost my habits of riding my bike everywhere I went, I realized I had to make an effort to be one of the people who was conscious of the amount they drive, and try my best to limit it.  Conveniently the Clear the Air Challenge provided a way to keep track of how much I was driving/saving on driving.

During the month of July, there was an actual competition and challenge with a goal to:

  • eliminate 300,000 trips
  • save 2 million miles, and 
  • reduce 3.4 million pounds of emissions. 
Sadly, the goals were not reached--but the results were still far better than nothing.  The final results were:


July turned out to be a hard month for me to not drive, so my efforts were a sad contribution to the overall total.  But the challenge helped me (hopefully permanently) change the way I look at driving and running errands; so in spite of the pitiful numbers, I expect them to improve significantly by next years challenge.

My Results

Though the competition is over for the year, you can still keep track of your miles saved by signing up here if you're interested. 

Friday, August 6

A Much Needed Rayya Sunshine

We all walk our separate ways I don't know why. I hope we meet again, somewhere some day (Bouncing Souls "The Something Special") 

Rayya (unintentionally and unknowingly) cleansed the demons that had been brought into the lives of  Michael and me by Bat Shit Crazy Becky.  As another online friend, Ray managed to remind us that she and all the other friends we've met online are fun, funny and a pleasure to spend time with.  Oh, and they're all also decidedly drama free.

We spent the entirety of the week from July 23 to August 1 with her, and had a stellar time! Friday night they met me at Cheers after my Swingin' Utters show.

Ray in my Swingin Utters Shirt
Saturday, I had the most brutal hangover I have ever ever suffered in all my years of drinking.  So I whined about it, starting the second my eyes opened, and kept at it through our drive to lunch (we ate at Blue Plate Diner), and all of our wait for a table/coffee/water. I finally stopped when I couldn't whine anymore because I was continually drinking water and coffee.  I was a joy to be with (sarcasm!), which is probably why Ray & Mike look like they want to strangle me in the photo below (which I took to try to distract me from feeling shitty--it didn't work in case you were wondering).
Ray & Mike @ Blue Plate
Fortunately, after ingesting a carafe of water and coffee each, along with a delectable Black Bean Vegetarian Burrito, I finally felt human again and we went and bought fireworks to play with to celebrate Pioneer Day. (The pioneers lit fireworks and drank when they got to Salt Lake Valley, right? So it was more than appropriate we follow in that tradition. Right? Sorry Mormon family/friends--I'm just teasing!)  While lighting our fireworks, Ray accidentally threw one of the spinners into the gutter of the parking lot we were using for our pyrotechnics. Said gutter was hosting a pine needle gathering, which instantly ignited.  I was laughing too hard to do anything at all (except document it, of course), but fortunately Mike acted (relatively) quickly and put it out for us.

Documentation










Most of the fireworks we bought were kinda lame, but the Zombie one was awesome.  As was Rayya's Zombie impersonation that lasted the whole time she held, lit, and watched the firework in action.  We also went to an open lot on 1st Ave that affords a beautiful, unimpeded view of the valley to watch the real fireworks.

Zombie Rayya

Watching fireworks from 1st Ave
Shortly after settling down to watch, the sprinklers turned on, forcing a hasty departure by those of us caught in the line of fire. We finished off the night with Uno Attack which Rayya won every single round of, the wench.

Sunday, we went to the Zoo where we saw adorable baby elephant Zuri try desperately to eat some chunks of ice that the zookeepers had put in there for her and her mother.  She would get sooooo close, and then she'd drop it right before she got it in her mouth.  This went on for over ten minutes. A large crowd gathered to watch and cheer her on and, finally, she succeeded! I photographed the entire ordeal, but all the photos were severely overexposed, so I cannot share with you just how cute it was.

We also witnessed one of the funnier things I've ever seen an animal do in person.  We happened upon a pair of monkeys at grooming time.  The groomer was convinced that the left nipple of the groomee was a foreign object, in need of removal. So the groomer just kept pulling and pulling at it, trying to get it off of the groomee until the groomee had enough, turned over and put his arm protectively over his (presumably torn) nipple. Hahaha.

We also went to the bird show, which I've never done, and ended up sitting in the wrong (or maybe the right?) spot.  Every single bird flew within a millimeter of Rayya's, Mike's or my head.  It was crazy.  Obviously they weren't going to fly into us, but, without fail, we ducked like idiots every single time.

As we wandered around, a lot of the animals were asleep or hiding in the shade because it was so hot, but fortunately one of the tiger cubs (who admittedly doesn't look much like a cub anymore) was having fun playing in the water.

Pretty kitty
We then went to eat and play games with the fam (which was really fun) before returning to Mike's to play Elixir.  We called it early (read 2am) since we were going on a hike in the morning.

Monday morning, we gathered all our gear and drove up Big Cottonwood Canyon to hike to Dog Lake.  It was a stunningly beautiful day, and a lovely hike which ended in a really anticlimatic destination.
Me & Ray Pre Hike

Also, we almost killed Mike, who had to stop every few yards to rest and who single handedly drank 90% of the water in the two Camelbaks we had.

Mike Resting in the Shade
At one point Mike even said "Oh, good! I've finally stopped sweating!" As if it was a good thing, and not a sign of heat stroke....After this comment, Rayya and I looked at each other as if to say "How are we supposed to get him off the mountain if he collapses, and how the hell do we get LifeFlight here when we don't have reception to call for help?"  To try to prevent a disaster, we made him sit in the shade for an extended period, and drink what was left of the water we had.  It worked, thank god, and Mike again began to sweat. Profusely. 
Mike Sweating
Finally we got to Dog Lake, which, at worst, is an oversized, muddy, swimming pool and, at best, is a pond. Lake my ass.
A nice older couple took this photo for us
A celebratory(ish) hug
However, we hiked up a little hill and found this view, which made it a little more worth it.


We then went down the canyon a bit and found a picnic site that had a firepit to make our hobo dinners that Mike had been so excited to make, along with a nice little stream that Rayya and I used to rinse off our dusty, dusty feet and legs.  We hung out, drank a couple beers, made smores (with Reece's Peanut Butter Cups. Tasters!) and listened to Dane Cook while we waited for our hobo dinners to cook.
Washing my feet never felt so good
Smores
Mike making his Hobo Dinner
Dinners didn't go so well as Rayya's turned out mostly charred, and mine was only slightly less charred than Ray's. Mike's seemed to be cooked to perfection, though, so at least we weren't 0 for 3. We hurried and ate what we could of our "dinner" since it was just starting to rain, cleaned up "camp" and made it out before it started raining hard. Yay for stellar timing.  Once back to Mike's we showered, then played Elixir and Uno Attack again (which Rayya won. Again. Yes, that is bitterness you're sensing).

Tuesday we were all a little tired of the gogogo routine we'd been doing, so we decided to take it easy by going to the Pie for pizza and beer, followed by games (again, Elixir and Uno Attack. Surprised?)
Cheers, Rayya!

By Wednesday we were recovered enough from Monday's excursion to brave another hike.  So after I got off work, we hiked (if you can call it that) to Donut Falls.  Walking there was cakewalk, which is probably why the trail was an anthill of people (primarily composed of groups of obnoxious teenagers), and also why we ended up waiting in an over-15-minute-queue to get to the waterfall itself.




Even though getting there was easy, the climb up to/down from the cave was a little sketchy. Rayya even helped a couple of little girls get down safely. My hero!
Rayya the Rescuer
It was well worth the sketch factor to see the falls, though; and it turned out to be a perfect counterpart to our Monday hike (easy hike, but beautiful--and cold!--destination).

Looking through the donut (photo courtesy of Mike)
As we were playing Elixir Tuesday night, I was complaining that none of the cards were "fun." Rayya said we should check out a game called Quelf--which was the same idea (making people do bizarre, funny things) but way more fun than Elixir.  So on the way to Donut Falls we stopped and picked it up.  When we got back to Mike's we set up the game and proceeded to laugh our asses off at all the random stuff we had to do (which I don't really want to expand on since I don't want to give away cards, just in case you play the game)
 
Thursday, we went to see the Movie Under the Stars at the State Capitol, which happened to be one of the most awesome 80's movies ever--Goonies.  We walked there from Mikey's, and Mique met us there.  We didn't really watch much of the movie, since Mique was late thanks to construction, and we left early so we could skip the traffic and play some Quelf.
Walking to the movie (Subtitle: What the boobs?!!!)
Mike & Ray waiting for the Movie to start
Mique & Ray at the movie
Quelf
Rayya comforting Mique during a Quelf induced laugh attack
A very bitter Rayya after losing a challenge to Mique
Friday night, Heather and Zeb came over and introduced us to a really fun game called Bootleggers where you play mobsters who are producing and selling whiskey to speakeasies during prohibition.  It was really really fun--but I don't recommend it while drinking, since it does take a fair bit of concentration.  We then moved on to Quelf, which, while awesome, was slightly less so because we started playing really late, and Heather & Zeb aren't the night owls me, Ray & Mike are.

Saturday was Ray's last day in town, so we went back to Blue Plate for breakfast, then to my parent's to play an epic seven-person game of Quelf. It was really fun--but took a bit too long to get through turns, so we weren't able to actually finish with that many people. We finished off the day with some pizza, and took Rayya to the airport.

It was an amazingly fun week, and a great reminder of how happy I am to have met so many stellar people in real life thanks to online games. And I do hope I meet all of them again, some where some day. (Well all but youknowwho) God, I'm a geek :)

Friday, July 23

Top 5 Reasons I Heart The Internet

(Get off the Internet!) I'll meet you in the street (Get off the Internet!) Destroy the right wing (Le Tigre, "Get Off The Internet")

  1. It was 60% responsible for introducing me to my amazingly awesome boyfriend (the other 40% worth of credit is split between World of Warcraft and random chance)
  2. It's also introduced me to a lot of really dear friends (one of whom is coming later today to hang out for a week! Yay Rayya!)
  3. It allows me to stay in touch with Andy, cAndy & Bri when they're far, far away
  4. Netflix
  5. I can keep up with what's going on in the cycling world, from the other side of the world.

Sunday, July 11

Born to Run

Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never SeenBorn to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen by Christopher McDougall

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


This book was so awesome that it almost made me want look at running as something other than torture, and then once I could do that, to start running for fun. Almost.

There are a lot of derails (or seeming derails) in this book. So the continuity of the story gets lost semi-regularly. However, the derails are always interesting material, and almost always tie back into the overarching story really well in the end.

Thursday, July 8

Beckzilla

"No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree."  W.C. Fields

The following story, like many stories, begins with a boy and girl meeting. In World of Warcraft.  They ended up in an online relationship that continued for more than a year and a half, and officially ended this week.  The boy is my friend Mike, the girl is named Becky, and I am part of this story because my friendship caused tension in their relationship.  To alleviate this tension, I allowed Mike to give Becky my number so she could talk to me and realize that I was not a threat to her. I did this in spite of not liking her, and thinking that she was annoying, and that something was very clearly wrong with her to be so desperately interested in Mike.  I did it because she seemed to be kind, thoughtful and generous to Mike and I don't want him to be single forever. I thought maybe he'd gotten lucky and had found someone as perfect for him as I had for me though the same medium.  This story is about how bloody wrong I was.

While I was in Cali visiting Andy in May, Mike called me and told me that Becky had just called to tell him he was interfering with her "mission" so she had to "let him go."  When he asked "what mission?" she informed him that she wasn't exactly human, and that she had been sent to earth from heaven to accomplish a very specific mission to help people, and had a special place next to God reserved for her in heaven. Mike said "So, what, you're an angel, or something?" Her answer was "Basically." That's why she'd been so nice to Mike and me--we were people she thought she could help.  But in "helping" people, she took on all their sins, which is why she was sick so often and so severely sick when she got sick.

As if being an angel (ish) wasn't enough, she also notified Mike that she has prophetic dreams. Which is how she "heard from a reliable source" (who knew both Mike and me in real life) that Mike and I were sleeping together.  Because of Mike's "betrayal" she couldn't talk to him at all for a couple weeks, and then cried every time she spoke to him for another two weeks, until I finally convinced her that I was not sleeping with Mike.  And her effing dream was the reliable source. Amazing.

She also told him that she wasn't supposed to fall in love, but in her attempt to help Mike, she had fallen in love which distracted her from her mission.  Because he had distracted her, he was going to suffer for it (at which point she suggested that someone he cared about may die as punishment).  She finally said that she was being sent on a quest and was going to be tested, so it was time to let him go.  He asked if that meant she was canceling her trip to meet us, and she said yes.

Then, while we were in Jackson Hole, Becky sent me this text: "Will u be around next weekend do u think? I'll be in SLC next Saturday--June 26. Not sure how long I'm in Utah though :)"

Hmmmm. Interesting.

After telling her I would be in town, but unavailable, I called Mike to ask him why she told me she was coming when he had he told me she wasn't?  He said he'd call me back.  After he got off the phone with her, he called and told me that he asked her why she was coming when she told him she wouldn't be.  She said that her quest had been delayed a bit, so she decided she would still come to Utah.  He told her that he had moved on after she broke up with him three weeks before, and that she needed to cancel her flight.  This led to the following conversation with me (I saved all of her texts--which appear in italics--so they are all verbatim).

I don't know what to do.  Mikey dumped me out of his live so now I have to stay in a hotel and it's like $100 a night so I probably can only afford to stay a few nights unless I sleep in the park :(?"

Me: Well, Mike told me that you had broken up with him last month, so I think it's understandable he doesn't want you to stay with him. 

No I didn't dump him! He dumped me! We had a discussion about some stuff and then he stopped calling me.  He won't return any of my texts/calls and now I'm stuck without anywhere to stay.  I would still really love to see u even if Mike doesn't want to see me.

I can't offer you a place to stay since I'm living with my parents and Andy will be staying here that week.

It's ok I understand maybe I can camp out somewhere for a few days or something.

I don't know what to tell you--I only know what he told me.  If that's not how it was, it sounds like you two had a serious misunderstanding.  Give him a bit to calm down and try to talk to him about it tomorrow.

Its ok none of this is your fault and I'm crying too hard right now to talk anyway.  I can barely breath [I guess she didn't realize that texting doesn't require talking, or breathing for that matter-not directly, anyway.  And that breathe does require an e at the end]

Just call or text him tomorrow and see if you can get things figured out with him

No he ended it for good [I suppose that you ended it only temporarily in May, then?]. [The drama distracted me from suggesting that maybe she should be upset more often if it actually allows her to "breath".]

I'm sorry you feel that way Becky.
I love Mike so much with all my heart and he hates me.  This man I would do anything in the world for never wants to speak to me again. Words can't even describe the pain and sadness and anguish I'm going through right now.  I tried so hard to be the perfect girl for him, but nothing I ever did seemed to be good enough for him.  I would still give up my life for his.  I would still fight with every ounce of strenght I posses for him, but it won't do any good.  I've truly lost everything now that I've lost him [Really? Really?! Remember how you have never even MET the guy, Becky?]

You haven't lost everything, Becky.  You still have your kids and your friends and there are plenty of other guys out there.

No I don't [want?] someone else.  I love him. Things won't get better only worse from here. I'm done living. That happy girl I once was is dead and gone now.  Mike killed her tonight. I don't have any strenght to go on.  My life is officially over.  You couldn't know how right you were when u said loving him was a dangerous job [Side note: I actually never said that] I just didn't realize it would ever be this bad.  I never thought he would be the one to finally crush what was left of my heart for good.

I know that breaking up can be really hard, but it's not the end of the world.  You'll meet someone who lives in the same state and that you can know in person, and it'll get better eventually.

No I don't want someone else. He killed me tonight inside and out but thank you for your support.

Spring took over responding for me at this point. I think she said something about living for her kids and just focusing on them for awhile.

No. Your not listening to me sweetheart. I'm done with life. My kids will be fine without me. So will everyone else. Mike ripped my heart out and killed the last bit of joy and happiness I had.  I don't plan on sticking around in life to see him get married to another woman and have kids with her. [Again, you've never even seen Mike, so I kinda doubt you'll "see" the person he may marry or the children he may have in the future] My heart just couldn't take it [Clearly.  Since it's one heart that has now been ripped out twice, broken and smashed to a million pieces once.  Yet, in spite of all of that, there's still a bit left that's open for crushing.] He has completely destroyed every part of me. There is just simply nothing left.

When Mike sent her a text that said "Cancel your flight." She sent this text to him, which he kindly forwarded to me: "Why do you keep saying that. Do u think my plane is going to crash or something.  At this point I would be happy if it crashed and burned but I won't bother u I promise.  I love you more than anything in this world. I will let u go if that's what u want. I don't want u to be as miserable as I am right now :( 

Since she seemed to realize it was all over, and again told Mikey that she'd canceled her flight, I thought I was done dealing with her drama.  Then, I got a text on the morning of the 26th that said "I'm coming in to Utah today. I'm sure neither you or Mike will see me but I thought that I would let you know anyway. My plane lands at 1:30"  I didn't respond.  And then, at 1:34 another text "I'm here my plane didn't crash unfortunately. OMG this is so hard. Mike should be here with me. I'm trying so hard not to start sobbing :("

I guess she somehow missed the part where Mike repeatedly he told her she shouldn't come because they were over and she had been told that neither of us would have time for her. And she seems to have gone directly from the airport to Mike's apartment, as Mike's neighbor told him that there was a girl that came by looking for him. When the neighbor described the girl, it was apparent that Becky had gone to Mike's, without telling him, and had waited around for a bit for him to come out of his apartment.

I texted her back "I'm sorry you're having a hard time, Becky.  I wish I could help, but I am 100% slammed until next Saturday.  I'm going camping in an hour or so, and will be out of touch from then until Monday.  But if you text me soon with what hotel you're staying at, I'll recommend something in the area to keep you entertained." She didn't text me early.  But she did call me 5 hours after I said I'd be gone, and even though I didn't answer, she left me a mostly indecipherable voicemail that sounded like it might have contained some hotel information, and something about Mike being mean to her, but mostly just sounded like 45 seconds of a cow in heat.

Sunday she was conveniently located outside of Mike's work changing her shoes as he was arriving to work. It sounded like they had a quick and awkward conversation, before he retreated into the building.

Monday was her birthday, and I knew she was having a hard time being in a city with no one to hang out with, so I thought it would be nice to try be nice.  Thus I sent her a text wishing her a happy birthday.  I immediately got a phone call back, which I couldn't really ignore since I had just texted her and it was her birthday. Dammit!!! I answered with a fakely happy "Hi Becky! Happy birthday!" Silence.  Well, not total silence; I could hear some faint crying sounds on the other end. (Why do I always get bitten in the ass when attempting to do something nice?) Clearly I was supposed to ask what was wrong, and even though I didn't want to, I didn't see a way out of it, so I asked "What's wrong?" as sincerely as I could. (Fortunately--for her, and unfortunately, for me--she has the same super power as Michael. Namely: immunity to hearing what other people say, if it's not what you want to hear. So, she didn't notice my insincerity).  

"Oh, it's just so terrible! Mike is being mean to me, and won't let me stay with him, so I had to sleep outside on the ground last night, and I sat at the cathedral all day today because I had nowhere to stay.  And Mike is trying to pretend like I broke up with him, when i would never do that! Ever! And every hotel in Salt Lake is FULL there are no spaces anywhere, I swear to you."

"I don't know what to tell you Becky, all I know is that Mike called me at the end of May telling me that you had just broken up with him" (I neglected to mention the relief he felt in her doing so, though) "and I have a really really hard time believing that all the hotel rooms in Salt Lake are booked right now." (I had already checked online and found hundreds of available rooms, because Mike had called me earlier to tell me that was her excuse for asking to stay with him.)

"No, no, no. They really are all booked. I swear! And I didn't break up with Mike, he's lying to you! He broke up with me and didn't even tell me he did until after I got here!" (Hmmm. . .I have text messages that prove that you knew you guys were over at least a week before your arrival. But, it's your birthday, so I'll try not to be a bitch.)

"Well, Becky, it sounds like you must have some miscommunication going on between the two of you, and I don't know anything more about it than what I've said.  If I can find a hotel room for you online, I'll let you know. I've gotta go."

The next day I get a text saying "please call me or text me when you get a chance. I would like to at least see you once while I'm here if that's possible."  I'd had it.  I responded saying "Remember how I told you that I'm involved in a wedding that's taking place this week, and that my sister is also moving this week, and that Andy is here visiting, and I wouldn't have time for you until after all of that was over? It hasn't changed. Like I've mentioned before, if you want to do dinner on Saturday, I can do that. But that's it, so please quit asking me to get in touch with you until then."

Gratefully, I didn't hear from her on Wednesday.  But, then, I got this text at 11pm Thursday: "Talking to your ex-boyfriend right now. He is such a sweetheart."  And then a message from Loki "I met your good friend Becky tonight.  That sucks that you and Mike aren't making time for her, Mike is an ass." I told Logan about how crazy she was, and got this (translated) text back "Well Mike won't reply or call her back. She loves you and made it sound like you guys were great friends: Mike, you and your boyfriend.  I hung out with her for 2 hours and she told me she slept outside one night, she was all upset like 'I booked my flight in February, they knew I was coming, and they abandoned me' And she told me a few things about you, and your boyfriend that were funny."

Good. So she hunted down the bar I go to in order to talk shit about me, Mike and my current boyfriend to my old boyfriend.  Stellar.

Saturday rolls around. Nubby and cAndy are gone, Andy is gone, I have bad cramps and I haven't slept in days.  I am a really unhappy camper, but I go to Mike's because I'd promised to do dinner.  I got to Mike's, and we took a shot of SoCo to take the edge of dealing with Becky.  She shows up a few minutes after I do, and walks in with sunglasses on (which is fine) walks up to me and half-hugs me, and I (happily--I'm really trying hard, here) "Hi Becky! It's nice to meet you!" No response from Becky.  Just a sniffly retreat to the edge of Mike's couch where she plops down, looking at the ground with sunglasses still on.  I roll my eyes, and take a deep breath as I try to transmit the message "I am going to punch her in the throat" to Mike via glare.  She doesn't see, and I say (again, happily) "How are you today.  You ready for dinner? I'm starving!"  Her response? A very sullen "Terrrible."  I say "Sorry to hear it, but at least we're about to go have fun, right?" Silence.  I wait a very awkward dozen seconds before I say "Unless you don't want to go to dinner anymore. . . ."  She picks up her backpack and starts to walk to Mike's door, and for a moment I think "We're free!!!" and then, very sourly, she says "Fine. We can still go to dinner." I stop Mike and say, "I'm going to need a minute before I come down."  So I stay and take a few deep breaths, and walk to the car.

We all get into the car, and, as a means of making conversation, I ask "So, you met Logan?" In a complaining and accusatory tone, her response is "Yes. He was the ooonly person who talked to me the entire time I was here."  Done. So done. "Becky, you do realize that both Mike and I have talked to you while you were here, right? Repeatedly, in fact. And just because we didn't make as much time for you as you wanted doesn't mean you can be pretend we didn't talk to you at all.  You should be grateful that we have made any time for you, since you weren't even supposed to come here in the first place."  She then proceeds to say "Well, it's not really you; it's mostly Mike. I wasn't supposed to stay with you. And he's been mean to me the entire time I've been here.  He knew I was coming, and yet wouldn't let me stay with him.  And every time I tried to talk to him he's just yelled at me, and made me cry and been so mean to me."  Mike is sitting there just taking it, and I am furious that she is both flat out lying, and acting like Mike isn't even there.  So I go off on her, telling her that it's bullshit that she'd sit there and try and pass off as truths lies that we all know are lies, and that she's been manipulative, deceitful and exploiting of our kindness during the entire ridiculous drama surrounding her visit.  I continue to tell her that every time I've talked to Mike he's always told me about how he's trying to find ways of helping her, or making time for her and that I know Mike way better than to believe he has ever yelled at her.

She again ignores everything I've said and just says "All I know is that, if either of you ever came to Chicago, I wouldn't abandon you." So I just say "Well all I know is that neither Mike nor I would come to Chicago when we said we weren't going to, or ask people to make time for us who told us in advance of our arrival that they wouldn't have time for us." Mike tries to step in and say something in a calm, civilized manner that I couldn't manage, but I don't hear anything he says because I'm too livid to.

We park, get out of the car, and walk to the restaurant and Becky continues to try to pick fights by making victim-statements "I know you both hate me now" etc.  I'm ignoring her, and walking ahead of them, because I don't want to be fighting in the middle of Pottery Barn (which we have to walk through to get to the restaurant, thanks to construction), and all I hear is Mike, again, trying to calmly speak to her. He is a saint.

We get to the restaurant (The Pub @ Trolley Square) and sit at a table on the patio.  Actually, Mike and I sit at a table and Becky pointedly sits at a different table. What. The. Fuck.  (The following conversation was carried on in a surprisingly subdued tone, thanks to the setting.) "Becky. Why the hell are you sitting there?" "Why can't I sit here?" "Because you're having dinner with us, supposedly, which means you should sit by us.  Somewhere we can actually have dinner and conversation together." "But why can't I just sit here?" "I'm sorry. Was I unclear? Let me give you a different reason, then.  Because it's incredibly rude for you to take away the option of a table for another party because you want to throw a tantrum. That's why."  "Fine!" said in the glorious tone and manner of a two year old, and accompanied by a really adorable (honey-thick sarcasm) hurling of her not-small-self against the bench across from where Mike and I were sitting, causing a jolt big enough that the people sitting at the far end of the bench on the opposite side to look over at us with a "What the hell was that?" look.  I looked over at her and said "I am done. I will not waste my time having dinner with you tonight." And I got up and left.

She and Mike followed me, Mike again talking to her in a collected manner I was wholly incapable of, and Becky intermittently asking "What did I do to make you so mad at me?"  Again, I wasn't going to talk to her at all in the middle of Pottery Barn. I was walking toward the car, when I realized that it was a terrible idea to do so, because I was not getting in a car with her, and I started to change directions, but they had caught up with me. Again she asks what she did, and I say "Seriously?!! You are being a passive-aggressive drama queen with a victim complex, and going about it like a child would.  I'm done with it and I am done with you!" "I'm sorry.  I had no idea. I've just had such a bad trip. I've been stalked, mugged, robbed, had to sleep outside and had no one to talk to the whole time I was here!" "Oh my god, Becky! Whose fault is that? You were not supposed to even come.  You told Mike on multiple occasions that you'd canceled your trip here! And then you come, and whine from day one that Mike should be here with you, when you knew perfectly well he wasn't going to be, and spend the rest of the trip trying to make both Mike and I feel like we're bad people for neglecting you, and glorifying your own fake suffering, and making up shit like 'all the hotels in Salt Lake are completely booked!' It's lies. It's bullshit. And it's not like you're not the only one who has bad days! A sister I adore just left, my boyfriend just left, and I haven't had a real night's sleep in days because I've been busy working on stuff for a wedding. And you can't even put on a civil face and act like an adult human being for 3 seconds, to say 'It's nice to meet you, too' or to have dinner together?! It's utter bullshit.  I was making a real effort to let you have a nice night here, and you did everything you could to undermine it and play the victim at every turn. Fuck you, Becky." And I walked away. Somewhat (but not really) ashamed of being such a complete wench.

After walking to the park, I realized that I had completely abandoned Mike and I legitimately felt bad about leaving him with her.  So I called him and told him I would come back, and go to dinner if that's what it took, but I would rather not.  He said we could just drop her off at her hotel and then go to dinner ourselves.  I walked back, and as I got close to them Becky walked up to me and said "I'm sorry. I didn't know you were having a bad day.  Can we start over? I didn't know you were having a bad day." I said "You know the reason you didn't, Becky? Because I was trying to make you have a nice day. Because I was putting my troubles aside to try to have a nice evening with you and Mike. Of course I wasn't going to go on about my bad day." "Well, I just didn't know and I've had such a terrible terrible time here, I'm sorry. And you're usually so sympathetic, I just couldn't understand why you'd be so angry. Can we please just erase the night and start over?" Resisting my urge to attack her again, I instead said "If you're willing to start over again, entirely, then, yes. We can have dinner, if that's what Mike wants to do." Mike said he did, and we started our second journey to the Pub.  Before we had even walked in the doors of Pottery Barn, again, Becky said "I know this is probably the last night either of you will talk to me." I interrupted her and said "If this is starting over, let's just call it off, now." At which point she quit speaking, entirely.

We found a table, and started looking at the menu, and discussing what was good.  When she hadn't looked at us, or said a word to either of us for over five minutes, Mike asked "What looks good to you, Becky?" "Oh, nothing. Nothing, I'm far too upset to eat." "What about to drink? What kind of beer do you like?" "Oh, no. Nothing will stay in my stomach right now. Not even water." Eeyore himself couldn't have sounded more like Eeyore than she did. Ugh.  We spent the rest of the dinner trying to involve her in conversation and actually start over, but she was not the willing participant she'd pretended to be. But Mike and I had a nice time talking to each other, and we dropped her off at her hotel and wished her good night and good luck, and left.  Never to speak to her again. For me, at least.

Sometime that night, however, she left Mike an envelope under his door that contained a picture of him that she'd printed out, a page of bible quotations on forgiveness, and $105 in cash.  Odd.  But I think she underpaid him for having to deal with her drama for a week.

Her closing remarks to Mike, via text, were: "I've made it back to Chicago. My plane didn't crash, unfortunately. I've lost my friend. I've lost one of my best friends. I've been home a few days now, but I still cry myself to sleep every night.  I wonder if this pain  and loneliness will ever end but I don't think it ever will. I know that you don't really care. You proved that to me in Utah and I know it doesn't matter."  Enjoy playing the victim in other people's lives, Becky. I won't miss it.




Tuesday, June 22

Faux Freudian Slip

Every town Has its ups and down Sometime ups Outnumber the downs But not in Nottingham (Robin Hood "Not In Nottingham")

While playing the ridiculously fun game of Nerts, Bear was singing Disney songs (as he's often wont to do).  On this particular occasion, he was singing the song "Love" from Robin Hood (one of my favorite Disney movies).  After he sang the line "Now you're all grown up inside of me," Nubby said "Oh, I hope not!" and we all started laughing insanely hard.  When he realized the double entendre of the line he had just sung, he animatedly protested our laughter by exclaiming "No NO NO!!! That was totally a Freudian slip!!!" Which, upon candy Andy and I looking at each other to confirm what we had just heard, led to another, more intense fit of laughter, so overwhelming that Andy had to leave his chair and go lay on the floor to laugh.  The rest of us were laughing so hard that we were crying and unable to breathe (except in occasional desperate gasps).  I have only heard Bear giggle twice in my life, and candy Andy never--until this occasion where the stars aligned, and both giggled simultaneously, which somehow managed to make the whole thing even more funny.

Once we had all regained our composure, Bear picked up a can of Diet Coke, and, as he was popping the lid said "Ahhhhhh, I need a drink. A stiff one." Which led to more tears of laughter.

There was discussion later that night, and the following day about what the correct version of that particular line was.  We decided that it must be "Now you're all grown up in spite of me." That made waaaay more sense--especially for Maid Marian and Robin Hood.  As childhood lovers who hadn't seen each other for a number of years they would have remembered each other as the younger version of him or herself, making them all grown up in spite of the memory of how (s)he was. Right?

Curious, I looked it up when I got home.  These are the full lyrics:

It seems like only yesterday
You were just a child at play
Now you're all grown up inside of me
Oh, how fast those moments flee

Once we watched a lazy world go by
Now the days seem to fly
Life is brief, but when it's gone
Love goes on and on

Love will live
Love will last
Love goes on and on and on

Once we watched a lazy world go by
Now the days seem to fly
Life is brief, but when it's gone
Love goes on and on


Bear sang it the right way the first time!  What the hell!?! How could Disney have allowed something that was so clearly sexually suggestive into the lyrics of one of their children's movie songs?  Bear and Andy reminded me that Disney has a history of (at the very least being accused of) putting all sorts of suggestive material in their films. For instance:
  1. The Rescuers has a scene where, at the beginning of the film, Bernard and Bianca are strapped to the back of Orville, preparing for take off, when you can see the image of a topless woman. 
  2. The Little Mermaid has two "subliminal" scenes.  The first is the cover art and promotional posters in which one of the towers was shaped like a phallus.  Second is the scene where Eric and Ursula are getting married, the priest appears to have an erection (if you look really close you can tell it's actually his knee, but that takes close inspection to tell).
  3. In The Lion King, when Simba plops down on the edge of a cliff causing dust to go into the air, the dust forms the letters S - E - X.
Ok, so it's really not that many examples. . .but it's enough to make me wonder if someone intentionally put a topless chick into The Rescuers in 1977, maybe someone intentionally put a double entendre in the "Love" lyrics 4 years earlier.

I still cannot believe that's what the lyrics actually are.  Or that I've never noticed it before.

Tuesday, June 15

I Heart Huckabees

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Monday, June 14

Boy Sets Fire

Wait for something to happen, Wait to understand I slip, I grasp, I always miss in cycles, Fallen angels never fully regain control (Boy Sets Fire, "Cavity")

I love music. I neeeeed music. And, sometimes, I get into head space that absolutely necessitates listening to a particular band. There are a lot of these head space/band combos; but, for this particular head space I've been residing in for a number of days, the only thing that can soothe it is Boy Sets Fire. Strangely, this is how it's been since I was 19, and first heard Boy Sets Fire. Loki used to give me endless amounts of shit about how often I had to listen to them (he hated them--largely because I loved them, but partially because they momentarily signed onto the same label as Creed). BSF can allay me like nothing else really can. I think because they blend intense, angry, and emo music alongside blistering political commentary (all of which have brilliant lyrics which Nathan sounds ridiculously amazing singing).


Do yourself a favor and check out these songs (in chronological order of albums).

 In Chrysalis
  1. Voiceover (Lyrics)
  2. Loser of the Year Award (Lyrics)
  3. The Tyranny of what Everybody Knows (Lyrics)
  4. Cavity (the song that the quote @ the beginning of this post comes from, and one of my absolute favorite BSF songs)(Lyrics
  5. Holiday in Cambodia (Stellar cover of the Dead Kennedys classic)(Lyrics)
This Crying, This Screaming, My Voice is Being Born

  1. Vehicle (Lyrics)
  2. In the Wilderness...No one Can Hear You Scream (Lyrics)
  3. Endorsement (Lyrics)
  4. Blame (Live at Eleven) (Lyrics)
  5. Resection (Lyrics)

    After the Eulogy
    1. After the Eulogy (The best intro song ever)(Lyrics)
    2. Rookie (Lyrics)
    3. Pariah Under Glass (Lyrics)
    4. Still Waiting for the Punchline (Lyrics)
    5. The Abominations of Those Virtuous (Lyrics)
    6. Our Time Honored Tradition of Cannibalism (Lyrics)
    7. (Compassion) As Skull Fragments on the Wall (Lyrics)
    8. My Life In the Knife Trade (Lyrics)
    9. Across Five Years (Lyrics)
    10. Twelve Step Hammer Program (Lyrics)
    11. The Force Majeure (Lyrics)
    Tomorrow Come Today
    1. Eviction Article (Lyrics)
    2. Bathory's Sainthood (Lyrics)(might be my absolute favorite BSF song)
    3. Release the Dogs (Lyrics)
    4. Foundations to Burn (Lyrics)
    5. Management vs. Labor (Lyrics)
    6. High Wire Escape Artist (Lyrics)
    7. On In Five (Lyrics)

      Tuesday, June 8

      Little Red Riding Hood

      Bicycle races are coming your way, So forget all your duties oh yeah, Fat bottomed girls they'll be riding today, So look out for those beauties oh yeah, On your marks get set go, Bicycle race bicycle race bicycle race (Queen, "Bicycle Race")


      I finally did my inaugural Little Red Riding Hood ride this year! I've been wanting to do this ride for a few years, but have never managed to remember to sign up before registration maxed out. It's just really hard for me to think about cycling at all during winter, let alone thinking “Oh, I should totally sign up for a ride in June!”at the beginning of February (registration started February 1 this year). Apparently I'm alone in this mentality, however, because by mid March, 3,000 other chicks had signed up and registration was full. (I'm hoping that adding Little Red Riding Hood to my “Likes” on Facebook will hopefully help me remember when registration comes around next year.)

      Fortunately for me (and unfortunately for the incredibly nice woman who sold me her registration) one of the ladies in a group I knew who had signed up on time found out at the beginning of May that she would be unable to ride this year. This could not have been more perfect for me. Not only was she signed up to ride the Century (which is what I wanted to do—15, 35, 45, 62, 80 mile distance rides were also offered), but the t-shirt she ordered was a size medium, which is what I usually wear. Stellar!!! (Side note: It's odd to simultaneously feel really bad for someone else, while being really happy for yourself).

      I found out exactly one month to the day prior to the ride that the spot was mine. I was determined to get some good training in during the time leading up to the ride in order to prevent a repeat of the ugliness that was the Vuelta Pacifica last year. Fret not--I failed. The weather in Utah was absolute hell during May (of the 24 days I was in Utah, 21 of them were below 70°F, 12 of which included either rain or snow). Meh. I did manage to get on the bike about eight times (if you include both my mountain bike ride, and my feeble attempt at a road ride while visiting Andy in Northern California). However, the longest of my “training” rides was a measly 30 miles. Which is what I should have done the first week. I really should have been up to a long ride of 75 or 80 miles so the week before the ride. But, no dice. Hooray for maintaining my track record of persistent and severe under training.

      In spite of my preparedness deficiencies, on Friday night I got all my gear together and managed to get in bed by 12:30, and was up at 4:30 to eat breakfast, pack all my stuff into the car and head off to Cache County.





      As one of the few bonuses of all the rain we've had this year, the two hour drive was beautiful. I got to Lewiston City Park, where I (and the other cars in line with me) was ushered in to a makeshift parking /camping area. It was crazy to see that many cars, and even more bikes on this little patch of park in the middle of nowhere. Soooo cool! I started unpacking my cycling gear to change into, sheepishly looking around upon realizing I was going to have to strip with all sorts of people around. It was comforting that I saw the girls in the cars on either side of me doing the exact same thing, so I just laughed to myself and changed as fast as I could.





      I left my bike in the car, and went to the registration table, got my number and my awesome swag bag and got in line to pee. While waiting in line, there were four different women who asked me about my Five Fingers (I wasn't about to wear road shoes while wandering around). The dudes at Vibram really need to figure out how to crank out some more of those shoes.




      Anyway. . .I went back to the car, put my front tire back on, inflated the tires, attached my rider number to my jacket and put on my helmet, gloves and shoes, then headed over toward the start line. There was some slight confusion about what was going on (since the majority of girls doing the event seemed to be signed up for the century, they had “waves” of starting groups between 7:30 and 8:30) but I ended up going with a group of about 100 girls at about 7:45. It was really cloudy, chilly and amazing to be riding with that many people. I was trying to take pictures while riding to show just how many girls there were, but my blasted camera was uncooperative—the batteries even fell out, inexplicably, at one point forcing me to stop and pick them up in the middle of the road. And within 30 seconds of stopping (waiting to find a spot to ride into), there was a SAG wagon along with a dozen girls asking if I needed help. So, sadly, I didn't really get any stellar photos of the massive peloton before it broke up but the whole thing was a surreal experience.




      Aside from some confusion about the course route early on (which led to some of us tacking on an extra mile or so) the entire event was insanely well organized. There were rest stops every 15 miles with Porta-Potties, water, and snacks. The course was really well marked, with different colored arrows marked directly on the road (corresponding to the different colors assigned to the ride lengths) as well as signs indicating directions to go for each group of riders. There were also a number of SAG wagons around helping people with mechanicals (of which there seemed to be a ton) and making drivers aware that there were cyclists in the area (even though they had done a great job of putting most of the route on low traffic roads, it seemed). In spite of all the support and organization, there was still at least one accident with two or three girls and bikes askew in the middle of a road (at least one of them looked to be in injured enough to have her day end there. What a bummer.)

      I was really surprised and super stoked on how many bigger girls were out on the long rides. So bad ass and inspiring to see them out!  I was also (kind of) surprised by the speed of most of the girls. During the first 50 miles (which were totally flat) I didn't drop below 17 mph, and was mostly riding at 20 mph, which I was pretty stoked about. But girls were absolutely flying by me, which was both impressive and disheartening. I got over it mostly, though, since everyone but me (and a very few others) were riding in groups (a lot of which were clad in club kits) and could take turns pulling. (Side note: I didn't know that Skullcandy sponsored a cycling team. Their girls' jerseys are so effing killer—even if they are pink. Makes me like Skullcandy even more! )




      The ride was stunning. A beautiful, cloudy, vibrantly green landscape everywhere we rode. There was very little traffic, and what traffic there was largely had people yelling or hanging out of windows cheering us on. There were also a number of young girls and/or families outside their homes watching us ride (as if it was a stage race) waving and cheering at us. It was a pretty cool, novel experience.


                                      
       
      At mile 50 lunch was served at a park that seemed overwhelmed by the sheer number of bikes, alone. Adding on the riders and family who had come to meet up with their mom's and sister's for congratulations and encouragement, the scene was complete chaos. And pretty effing cool to see. I thought it was especially impressive that the volunteer staff seemed to manage it as well as they did, since all of the women from the 100, 80 and 57 mile rides were arriving simultaneously (which made for some really long, but surprisingly fast-moving lines). There was an absurd volume and variety of food: subway sandwiches with either some kind of meat and cheese, or just cheese (as a veggie—it was SO amazing to have been accommodated for) along with a few toppings to put on top of it, delicious fruit, chips, cookies, trailmix, granola bars, and a lot more stuff I didn't even look at, along with a well-stocked water station that even included tubs of GU Electrolyte Brew to use.

      At the beginning of the ride, we were asked us not to use iPods etc to ensure the safety of all, so under duress (thanks to the presence of a number of police escorts) I decided to not listen to mine. At lunch, I decided that I could care less if I got in trouble, or got a ticket or whatever. The headphones were going on. Riding by oneself for that long is a fairly grueling mental effort, and I knew that with the flat part of the ride over, I wouldn't survive with my sanity if I was without both company and music. So the earphones went on. And proceeded to treat me to every mellow song I had on my iTouch. . . . If there's anything worse than being full, and struggling being alone knowing there are 2,999 other people somewhere nearby, but being unable to see or talk to any of them, it's listening to music that says “Time for a nap.” Not so effective for climbing hills (even if they are mini inclines). Not only was my iPod trying to put me to sleep, but I'd forgotten my sunglasses to keep out the bugs and kept repeatedly getting bugs in my eyes, and I'd also forgotten to apply my trusty DZ Nuts chamois cream and being in the saddle was becoming slightly excruciating, and my back was screaming at me louder than if it was my nephew and 99 of his clones all screaming simultaneously. So miles 50 through 75 were borderline torture for me.

      Just when I thought I was going to lose it, and was considering risking not being able to pedal another stroke to get off my bike and manually switch my iTouch to something to help my fracturing mental state, I was greeted by a rest stop. I got off my bike, laid on the grass to quiet my back and chat with my mom for a bit until the pain in my back had completely subsided. When I got up I felt infinitely better, and, on top of that my iTouch decided to wake up and shuffled into a series of songs I could ride to. I was once again enjoying the scenery, and thinking about how much I love riding my bike.

      And then came a very steep downhill section. Which can only mean one thing. . . .So I looked ahead, and noticed that there was a large climb coming up. Unfortunately, there was a large flat stretch between the downhill and uphill, so there would be no momentum to help. It was mile 83, and it was crushing. I was in my smallest gear before I was ¼ of the way through the climb. I just kept repeating to myself “Fuck this hill. It will not beat me” over and over. And it didn't. But holy hell that climb was so much harder for me than it should have been.

      Coming over the climb onto the flat, I could see that there was another rest stop. Thank you jeebus! I stopped to refill my water bottles, which were both depleted by the last climb. While refilling my water bottles, I noticed that the table without the water had supplies. . .vitamin I (which I should have taken a buttload of, but didn't for reasons that still remain a mystery to me), tampons, snacks, and, then . . . the clouds parted, revealing a beautiful ray of light shining on a tube of DZ Nuts Bliss chamois cream, and I'm quite certain I heard the sound of angelic choirs as this happened. And I shed a single tear as I asked “Can I borrow some of this?!?” When I was told that I could, I squeezed some onto a paper towel, and rushed to the Porta-Potty to apply it. Dave Zabriskie doesn't know it, but he saved my life Saturday. In spite of my back still screaming in pain, the last 12 miles was, well, bliss. I felt strong again, was riding at a decent pace and felt great. I was going to make it. With nowhere near enough training, no sleep, and a terrible track record of eating for the week leading up to the ride. I'm fucking proud of myself, even if it was a weak showing. I finished.

      Final Stats:

      101.07 miles
      6 hours 43 minutes 37 seconds (on the bike)
      15.00 mph average speed
      1912 feet of elevation gain






              Miss Super Red

      This ride rocks. I'll be doing it every year I can from now on; only, I'll be dragging anyone and everyone I know with me. I also want to do the Goldilocks and maybe even the Cinderella Classic rides next year.

      Now to start training for my half marathon. . . .